The Sexual Harassment Lawsuit

It's been a long time since I've been around; I've been wrapped up with a sexual harassment lawsuit with my (now former) boss and wasn't able to blog about it while it was going on. And I just didn't feel like blogging about other things.

The good news is that is it finally O.V.E.R.

Now, you know I'm too proud a blogger to say "I've been wrapped up with a lawsuit that consumed my life" and not tell you what happened. So here goes...

At the beginning of the year, I switched projects (and bosses) which took me away from the computer.

There were a lot of things I liked about thew new job. But there was only one thing I didn't like about it: my boss. A few reasons why: He said the time I spent commuting to the communities I would never have gone to if I didn't have the job was NOT considered work time and he didn't want to reimburse me for gas (which, incidentally, is a company-wide policy). He is a micromanager and needed to know where I was every minute of the day. (Can you say control issues?). He liked to stare at my breasts. He talked about his 'relationship' with his mistress (yes, he's having an affair).

"The Incident" (as it would be called. Gotta love lawyer-speak. *snort*)
I was scheduled to present at a conference in the spring. My boss told me he couldn't afford for me to stay in a hotel because the airfare maxed out the budget (thanks to the increase in airfares).

I told him I would pay for the hotel out of my own pocket. He wouldn't allow me to do that as he was afraid the fiscal office wouldn't like that I paid for my own room but the grant was paying for his room. So I told him I would pay for my hotel but tell the fiscal office I was staying with a friend and did not incur any hotel costs.

And that's when it happened.... He said if I was to go on the trip, I couldn't have my own room (paid for by me) but that I would "just have to stay in his room where he had a king sized bed."


I immediately reported "the incident" which started "the investigation."

And it began. Lots of closed doors. Lots of whispering. Lots of people getting called in to speak behind closed doors. Lots of whispering. Lots of pointing. Lots of whispering. Lots of silence as I entered rooms and yet lots of whispering. I was alienated by colleagues and people I once considered friends. And there was a lot of whispering.

Then came the depression. Depression which sparked my eating disorder (which I had kicked for 17 years and 4 months). The wounds opened. The previously healed wounds of having been sexually abused as a child and teen.

And that affected my marriage.

It didn't take long before I was in a tailspin. My weight fluctuated in both directions - first, I gained weight. Then, I (not so slowly) made myself a skeleton. I wanted to disappear.

Gavin put me in an eating disorder day treatment program and I got myself physically healthy, worked on my mental issues, rediscovered my inner strength and dealt with "the incident" and "the consequences."

As for "the incident," "the investigation" and the "it's not really a lawsuit" lawsuit... There were lots of meetings, lots of closed doors and lots of tears. In the end, it was settled out of court with a monetary settlement to cover my medical expenses and "emotional suffering." I was moved back to my old division where a new position (with my old boss) was created for me. I was given one week of "not vacation but paid time off" and I start the new position next week.

And although I haven't made this public, I am looking for a new job. Probably in a new line of work. Although I like what I'm doing (and I'm damn good at it, too!) the professional community is small and everyone I encounter has heard some mangled version of what didn't actually happened and I need to know what my options are to keep myself happy professionally.

Despite all this, my kids are okay. In fact, my kids are great. They (and Gavin) were my saviors. If I didn't have them, I am sure it would have taken me much longer to get through this. MUCH longer. Their innocence and complete love was exactly what I needed to feel safe. I would hold that in my heart in times of utter despair and "being lost." In fact, I still do. And without Gavin's strength and love, I may have starved myself too death.

But you know what? Now, I am fine. I am healthy. I am ME.

(And I'm back to the blogging world. Boy, do I have a lot to tell you. First up: A Dena story!)